What they don’t tell you

When the prospect of moving to the United States comes about, it seems like such an exciting venture. A lifetime with the person that you’re so crazily in love with; a new life together. You hear all the stories about how people went through the immigration process and it was such an exciting time for them. Well here’s what the love stories don’t tell you.

Immigration proceedings are no fun. They are a lot of money, a lot of time and a hell of a lot of waiting. It’s going through weeks of stress to get together all the relevant paperwork only to send it in and be told that you’re missing documents. It’s checking the mail every day waiting for a letter only to be disappointed once again when it’s empty. Staring into an empty mail box is like staring into the emptiness of your future.

The excitement of getting to be with your husband or wife is such a magical feeling; yet that’s all you seem to hear. You don’t hear the struggles of the spouse that sits at home all day and has to rely on people because their paperwork hasn’t been completed yet. Months of waiting means a crumbling of independence. For those that don’t have a drivers license, it means relying solely on your spouse to drive you around. Or if you’re lucky enough to have family members here too, it’s them having to drive you around as well. There’s the stress of not knowing anyone outside of your family and your spouses friends; the longing for the friendships you had in your home country and the heartbreak that you can’t just pop round for a cup of tea with your best friends back home.

I’m at the point as you may be able to tell, of frustration. I feel like a burden to those around me. I have had to latch on to family to do things for me that I can’t; driving, paying for things. My independence is gone. Yes I’m living with my husband in a new country and it’s oh so exciting. But am I able to contribute and do things without having to ask anyone to help me? No. And God damn I hate it. I want so badly just to drive to Walmart and pick up groceries with my OWN money that I went out and earned for myself. I want a proper life.

I knew this journey would be tough and it would entail a lot of sitting at home and relying on my husband. He does a bloody good job of supporting our little family all my himself, I just long to take that pressure off of him. I’ve been here for six months now and we are four or so months into our immigration proceedings, which seem to be at a standstill. I think that’s where my frustration is coming from at this moment. The last letter that we received was to tell us that I would need to take my medical papers to my interview, which I would receive the date for soon. And that was about a month ago. Since we sent in our very first set of paperwork, everything moved pretty fast and we heard something new every couple of weeks; however now we are left in the dark waiting for an interview date. I feel hopeless and just like a burden because I am unable to do anything other than sit at home and have people run around like blue arsed flies for me when I have things I need to do.

I am grateful for our journey and I try every day to find patience in it; some days I do this better than others. But for right now, I have hit a mental wall. This is not a post to scare anyone. When I started my blog, I decided to be honest with what was happening along our journey so that I could help others also walking the same path. It will be a rewarding experience for sure, but for now it is a very tough one. However, it is not a journey that I am willing to struggle through. We will all have our tough days, but it is waking up the next day and deciding to change our mind set and have a better day.

“It’ll give you something to do!”

As summer rolls in and school finishes here in Texas, I am filled with excitement that my aunt is finishing up her first year as a special education teacher; as I’m sure she is too! Now I finally have someone to spend my days with! Gone will be the days upon days of sitting in bed until 11am and cleaning every ounce of our apartment daily.

As of January, my life changed from working 40-50 hours a week, to being unemployed in March and living essentially as a housewife! One big misconception about anyone coming to live in the United States is that you are able to work instantly. Oh how I wish it was that simple! First you must go through mountains of paperwork, money, interviews and a medical exam before you can even begin to say the word “employed”. For some, sitting at home doing nothing and not working may seem like an idealistic lifestyle! But not for this girl! Even when I was in sixth form, I was working five days a week to pay for my trips to Texas! I have always had my own money; always paid my own way and loved to work! So you can only imagine my struggle when I had to give up my job in England and enter into a lifestyle of waiting and waiting. One of my biggest struggles is accepting that Adam is completely responsible for all of our finances. I paid rent when I was working full time and living at home in England so to have my husband pay for everything while I sit at home all day is tough! He tells me all the time that it’s what a husband is supposed to do and if I never worked a day in my life he would continue to support us both; however he appreciates that once I am able to work and earn my own money, I will give an input into our finances. He also appreciates all that I do around the house; the cooking, the cleaning, the laundry. And he does remind me of this quite often.

Now I have to admit, I do like to clean. I enjoy looking around my home and seeing that everything is in its place, where it should be. What I struggle with is the fact that we have a small apartment and there is only so much that I can clean and organize on a daily basis!

One of the phrases I have heard a lot in the past four months is “it’ll give you something to do!”. Everyone who knows what Adam and I are going through have said this at least three times if not more to me. My aunt bought me a finance organizer and said: “I thought it would give you something to do during the day!” Also suggested to me by people was couponing, taking up crafts or volunteering. Although I am not the most imaginative or creative person, I have considered volunteering at our local animal shelter. It is within walking distance and I am pretty sure that I am able to volunteer while we waiting for our paperwork to be completed. Heck, it’ll get me out of the apartment and give me something to do!

I am trying to stay patient on our journey and Adam constantly reminds me of this; things take time and I know I will really appreciate it when I finally get that work permit through in the mail! For mow, I am going to enjoy what could possibly my last summer in Texas not working! Now reunited with my tanning buddy, I plan to have a very hot lazy summer!