82 long days

After our last snippet of information was received from USCIS on June 25th, we have heard nothing positive. We received a letter to say we didn’t file the medical records so we must take that to the interview when we receive a date…well that would be all good and well if we would be receiving our interview date any time soon! It’s been 82 days exactly since USCIS received our latest request for evidence. Yes, I counted. After 60 days of hearing nothing you are allowed to call and ask questions. After 82 days I am growing increasingly frustrated. I have called two or three times in the last couple of weeks and after calling today, I was told “You are still within the normal processing times for this type of case so you must wait now to receive an interview date” Oh how nice it must be to spew out this information to frustrated petitioners at home while you have a job and an income!

It’s becoming incredibly boring checking the mail everyday and staring into an empty box. I feel like I cannot look forward to anything anymore. Family members birthdays, Christmas. I have no money to contribute to anything. Yes of course Adam provides for our family but I want to contribute too! I want to be able to go out and see something desirable for our home and buy it there on the spot because I am working and I have the money to do so! Instead I am just able to dream about the day that I can do that and leave the item on the shelf.

Adam frequently reminds me that this is a journey we embarked on together and one we will face together. As frustrating as it is to sit at home with no money and no car, it warms my heart when he says that because I know he will truly always be by my side. And he is right, this is a journey we decided to start together and we knew what we were getting ourselves into when we filed that paperwork a long five months ago.

My frustrations come from the waiting; the unknown. Will I be able to work by Christmas or will I be waiting until next March? Another one of my unanswered questions that I must wait a possible further 82 days to find a resolution to.

What they don’t tell you

When the prospect of moving to the United States comes about, it seems like such an exciting venture. A lifetime with the person that you’re so crazily in love with; a new life together. You hear all the stories about how people went through the immigration process and it was such an exciting time for them. Well here’s what the love stories don’t tell you.

Immigration proceedings are no fun. They are a lot of money, a lot of time and a hell of a lot of waiting. It’s going through weeks of stress to get together all the relevant paperwork only to send it in and be told that you’re missing documents. It’s checking the mail every day waiting for a letter only to be disappointed once again when it’s empty. Staring into an empty mail box is like staring into the emptiness of your future.

The excitement of getting to be with your husband or wife is such a magical feeling; yet that’s all you seem to hear. You don’t hear the struggles of the spouse that sits at home all day and has to rely on people because their paperwork hasn’t been completed yet. Months of waiting means a crumbling of independence. For those that don’t have a drivers license, it means relying solely on your spouse to drive you around. Or if you’re lucky enough to have family members here too, it’s them having to drive you around as well. There’s the stress of not knowing anyone outside of your family and your spouses friends; the longing for the friendships you had in your home country and the heartbreak that you can’t just pop round for a cup of tea with your best friends back home.

I’m at the point as you may be able to tell, of frustration. I feel like a burden to those around me. I have had to latch on to family to do things for me that I can’t; driving, paying for things. My independence is gone. Yes I’m living with my husband in a new country and it’s oh so exciting. But am I able to contribute and do things without having to ask anyone to help me? No. And God damn I hate it. I want so badly just to drive to Walmart and pick up groceries with my OWN money that I went out and earned for myself. I want a proper life.

I knew this journey would be tough and it would entail a lot of sitting at home and relying on my husband. He does a bloody good job of supporting our little family all my himself, I just long to take that pressure off of him. I’ve been here for six months now and we are four or so months into our immigration proceedings, which seem to be at a standstill. I think that’s where my frustration is coming from at this moment. The last letter that we received was to tell us that I would need to take my medical papers to my interview, which I would receive the date for soon. And that was about a month ago. Since we sent in our very first set of paperwork, everything moved pretty fast and we heard something new every couple of weeks; however now we are left in the dark waiting for an interview date. I feel hopeless and just like a burden because I am unable to do anything other than sit at home and have people run around like blue arsed flies for me when I have things I need to do.

I am grateful for our journey and I try every day to find patience in it; some days I do this better than others. But for right now, I have hit a mental wall. This is not a post to scare anyone. When I started my blog, I decided to be honest with what was happening along our journey so that I could help others also walking the same path. It will be a rewarding experience for sure, but for now it is a very tough one. However, it is not a journey that I am willing to struggle through. We will all have our tough days, but it is waking up the next day and deciding to change our mind set and have a better day.

For better, for worse

The first thing people say to me when they find out that I am in a long distance relationship is “wow that must be hard” or “I don’t know how you do it.” I have a very simple response when this is said to me; yes, it is incredibly hard but we do it because we have to. Another thing that I am asked about is how I am able to trust Adam when he is so far away and I don’t know what he’s getting up to. In everyone else’s minds, it is easy to imagine that he is off gallivanting with every Tom, Dick and Harry getting up to God knows what. But the difference here is that they don’t know Adam like I do.

From day one, I have trusted him and this is something that initially scared the living daylights out of me. How could I put so much faith in someone that I had only just met and barely knew? As I grew to know and understand the man that stood before me, I could see how beautiful he was, inside and out. He was a true gentleman, opening and closing the car door for me (which to this day he still does when we get in the car together) and paying for things whenever we went out. It was the small gestures that made me realise the kind soul that he was hiding.

I could never have imagined that in 2013 I would fall so madly in love. This was also something that scared me so intensely; you can even ask Adam. I told him one day that being in love with him scared the life out of me. But I knew that it was a fear that would soon subside; which it absolutely did. As Christmas rolled around, we exchanged “I love you’s” for the first time and it was then that I knew I could trust him completely with my life but more importantly, my heart. The day before Christmas Eve, Adam gave me the gift of a promise ring. This was not only a promise from him to me, but a promise from me to him, to be faithful and to promise to love one another. People seem to think that a promise ring, or an engagement ring is just for show, when in reality it is so much more than that. It is a symbol of a promise to one another.

So when you hear that I am in a long distance relationship, please don’t assume that there are lies and deceit within our relationship. We have made promises to each other that will last a life time. We may be in a long distance relationship at the moment, but the long distance part will not be forever.