When you move across the world to be with the one you love, no one tells you about the days that you will miss your family so much that your whole body aches. The days that you just want to sit on the couch with your mum with a glass of wine and watch TV in silence. They don’t tell you that there will be weddings and your finances mean you are unable to return home for them. They don’t tell you that family members will get sick and how it will break your heart and you will stay in bed for a whole week sick at the thought that you may never see them again. I know my husband was not prepared for my reaction to this in particular. No one warns you about the pain of phoning your grandparents and hearing how proud they are of you, and wishing that you could hug them tight before you hang up the phone. It’s sitting looking through pictures that leave you craving the face to face conversation with your family members, able to truly feel their presence and the warmth of their laughter.
Love can travel the world and my family’s love does just that and then some. However, nothing can prepare you for the flood of pain that will randomly hit you on a Friday night after dinner. It’s the strangest thing, to be sitting happily and then start talking and thinking about family and it sets into motion a whole wave of emotions; of sadness and aching.
As the wedding invitation for my Uncle’s wedding sits on my fridge, it breaks my heart that I will probably not be able to return the RSVP card with “attending”. You will never be prepared for that. Ever.
The days that are easy; are super easy. I am able to go about my business and not feel the deep sorrow that I am not able to pop in and see my sister for a cup of tea and a chat. But the hard days are harder than I could have ever imagined. The pain of missing them never goes away, it just gets buried beneath life’s happenings and other feelings. No matter what family will be there and I know if my mum or dad needed to they would get on a plane and be here with me tomorrow if I asked them to.
When all is said and done, and my heartache gets buried again for another day, I know everyone is just a phone call away and will without a doubt support me with their hearts bursting at the seams with love.
victoriasvisajourney 